We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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