and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
