Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
