So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
