apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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