i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
