i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
