Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
