So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
