Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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