hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
