Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize