her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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