sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
