the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
