that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
