I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
