So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
