Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
