the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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