left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
