Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
