i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
