He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
