The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i've created a new STD.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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