I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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