We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
