Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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