i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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