YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
