Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
