those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
