she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
