You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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