If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
