I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
