It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize