i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize