Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
