his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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