I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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