Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
