You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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