Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
