Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
