Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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