my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
