Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
