Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize