No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
