Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
