My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
