I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
