guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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