he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
