hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
