we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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