Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
porn star boner night. come get it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
