I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
