we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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