I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
