that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love having hate sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
