she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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